(an)other human

January 29

I am playing with fire, Les

even with flame smoking

                         out of sight.

                    *

I woke up from a dream

to a dream of texts

composed, never sent,

but received:

I told her “sentiment is waiting”

and she replied about her girlfriend

as if I was referring to us

and how she was glad we had a boardgame to sit

and play because she was waiting

for their anniversary

                     *

What “sentiment,” what “boardgame,”

and         why?

                       *

Why these words after repeatedly

telling me about her crushing—

                       *

When did I become an other human,

not just another human? I break

my rules, Les,

I said never to this happening.

                       *

I am stone and sticks broken

by words

or words broken by stone

and sticks.

                        *

She may be poly, but I am monogamous

with a history

of running. I am not good

with commitment

because I am afraid

of settling

                                      now    or     then

                          *

And I had told her sentiment is waiting

because I am soft

but far (too) stone

for her to receive warmth and flame

from me.

                      *

My limbs are only kindling

cluttered by ice.

3 thoughts on “(an)other human

  1. Pingback: thoughts on polyamory as a reluctant other human – letters for les

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